A Slightly Satirical Guide to Being a Morning Person

For the past five months I’ve been a self-proclaimed morning person; rising at 5:15AM at the earliest and 9:00AM at the latest, even on the weekend. It hasn’t been like this for ever as previously mentioned. Once upon a time I was a horrible person in the mornings, I’d trudge down the stairs and sit in silence for about an hour before finally doing something. This was after I woke up at eleven. I realized after I was accepted into university that this treacherous sleep schedule wasn’t going to help me at all. While the lifestyle that I was picturing is totally different from the one that I am currently living; I don’t regret getting my priorities in line. I had a plan, one that I would actually stick to as this was an idea that I wanted to execute for a while and one that was realistic enough that I would try then immediately realize that “what on Earth were you thinking, this is not achievable. Go back to bed.” The plan that I came up with has genuinely helped me and I think it’s quite funny, so here I am to tell you how I have become a morning person.

The first step is to plan to sleep at a reasonable time and to have a good night. This does not mean have a good night’s sleep, but before you go to bed do something that you enjoy. Whether this means reading a chapter in a book that you love or drawing a silly little picture of your favourite animal just to have a giggle. Not only does this help you relax, but it also stops your brain from running off onto topics that you probably shouldn’t be thinking about before going to sleep. Being calm helps you settle down and get cosy without too much undue effort. I think this helps me sleep without any interruptions during the night; I’m not sure of the science behind it but it does work since everyone who tries this method agrees with me.

The second step is to set two alarms; One fifteen minutes before you want to wake up and one for when you actually want to wake up. Now, this may seem counterintuitive as it just gives you more time to fall back asleep but stay with me! If you have a bedside lamp, or if you’ve still got those LED strip lights that were trending a while ago, then turn them on when that alarm goes off. This helps the urge to fall asleep again. To clear something up, you do not need to get up and going at this first alarm, this is simply giving you time to wake up while still being comfortable. May I advise not going on your phone as -if you’re anything like me- you will most likely spend an hour doom scrolling through TikTok and will get stuck in a spiral that you will not escape. By the time your second alarm goes off, you should be awake enough to make sensible decisions.

Step three is to wear an outfit that you feel good in. Wearing your good clothes makes your brain release the happy chemicals and that makes you feel good! Feeling good in the mornings is half the battle when trying to change one’s habits, the other half is getting used to the routine. Another benefit of this, is that thinking of a creative subject helps get your brain chugging along nicely. When I put on my outfits, it makes me excited about going outside because I like to think that my silly clothes make others happy too! There’s not much to say about this one, just that looking good makes you feel good which makes you more awake.

Finally, this last step is my favourite; Have something fun planned for the day. In the mornings specifically the ones were I am up the earliest, I have a fun breakfast/coffee planned for when I wake up. My favourite thing I do is go to a sweet little café and order a pot of tea; the teapot is always a fun colour. I like to try and guess what colour it’s going to be. When I don’t get to play teapot-bingo I plan to watch an episode of a true crime docuseries and a good bit of plant based avocado toast. If there’s something I’ve learned since instigating this system- If there is anything that can get me out of bed; it’s the promise of a funky little breakfast. And if I want to have a “chill-out morning” I like to plan something fun for the afternoon such as going to the shops, baking a cake or visiting relatives.

The overall underlying theme of this system is: Do silly things, make happy choices and find joy in colourful teapots. I find the small things about life the best things and that the best time to enjoy them is when there is gentle quiet. So, yes I am a morning person but I am a morning person who puts far too much thought into that system.