The rise of the online Clean Girl aesthetic grew rapidly after its emergence in 2022. If you have miraculously managed to avoid it, it essentially requires you to appear natural, put together and fresh at all times – without seeming like this took any effort.
But really, it means more than just its physical definition, and has become more recently associated with the lifestyle of the Wellness Girl – think running groups, matcha, pilates, and in bed with a green tea by 9 pm.
In response to this outbreak came the revival of the Party Girl – the girls who felt that no matter how hard they tried, they didn’t fit into this clean lifestyle. Bringing back the 2000s style party aesthetic of recklessness, messy nights and the general romanticism of chaos. Both of which, if done to the right extent, are worthy of being labelled as That Girl.
This battle between wellness and party aesthetics is not just between these groups, but an internal battle for many of us as to which category we fit into – or want to.
For some of us, the lives we live are not so much a choice as they are a subconscious preference – or a personality type. It might not be something you consciously even think about; you’re either a cosy night in or a wild night out kind of person. But with the constant rise and use of social media, we are constantly consuming content that is practically forcing us to think about the type of people we are, in all aspects of our lives.
Type A or Type B, introvert or extrovert, minimalist or maximalist, clean girl or mob wife? It is becoming increasingly hard to ignore the media that is begging us to define ourselves, to work out exactly where we fit, and not to stray from that group. While this may work for the few of us that do have our lives figured out, the rest of us are left overwhelmed, conflicted and slightly exhausted. Who are we and who do we want to be?
It’s not just social media that feeds into this identity crisis. Starting university is a pivotal time in any young person’s life. For most of us, leaving your hometown and everything you thought you knew about life and yourself to begin somewhere else inevitably forces you to go on a journey of self-discovery.
Living alone for the first time, meeting new people, starting new hobbies, going out and drinking more, developing habits – some healthy, some not so much – maybe discovering you don’t actually like going out and drinking that much, then feeling guilty for not because, as they say, these are your years.
It can feel impossible to keep up a healthy and sustainable lifestyle at university, just as much as a wild and eventful one. There is so much change that happens in this time that it might feel almost impossible not to assign yourself to a group and do your best to stick to that, as it feels like a misjustice to yourself by not doing so. It’s the societal irony of being pushed to just be yourself while also being bombarded with ever-changing beauty standards, wellness trends and meticulously curated lifestyles.
Many of us start university with the idea that we can be whoever we want to be, and see it as a chance to start again, or to build a life separate from whatever we have at home. When done right, this can work and ultimately be a positive and comforting change for many. But for most of us, the reality is that changing yourself rarely works.
There is always going to be a nagging feeling inside you that tells you something is not aligning with your true values, and this will be almost impossible to ignore. University life is already a rollercoaster of emotions, routines, lifestyles. The pressure to embody a personality in order just to appear relatable, to tell good stories, to appear put together or to be seen, is detrimental to the course of your journey of self-discovery.
A critically important part of your self-identity journey is to choose to learn about yourself as a person, and to examine and discover the way you work. Watching yourself change as you get older – discovering what makes you angry, why that one movie scene makes you cry, starting to like that thing you used to hate.
There are so many beautiful and harsh truths to discover about ourselves, things that have been within us since the beginning, things that cannot be taught or forced. It is a privilege – and sometimes a huge relief – to get older and finally learn these things about yourself, none of which have anything to do with a trending aesthetic.
This need to fit ourselves into boxes and spend our time trying to conform to the personality type and lifestyle we have made for ourselves, ultimately to please others, is to deprive ourselves of the wonderful duality of being a woman.
This is: the freedom to be able to be both and all things all at once.
To go from one lifestyle to another, within minutes, or days, or to wake up one day and decide this routine is not working for you and make an immediate change without the worry of what people might think or say about it, not being like you.
To live as a walking contradiction and to recognise that that is perfectly okay – and liberating. To not make sense and to let people be confused about the life you chose to live. There is, of course, nothing fundamentally wrong with choosing a lifestyle aesthetic if that’s what feels right for you – and Pinterest is truly a great app.
So why do we feel the need to conform to one version of ourselves?
Does That Girl exist or is she just a perception of how we see other people, shaped by what they choose to show us?
The truth is, the way you compare your life to other people’s is likely the same way people compare theirs to yours. Your life doesn’t need to look like a Pinterest aesthetic. In reality, it’s complex and ever-changing, unsteady, messy and loud at times, put together and quiet at others.
These inner conflicts will continue forever – are you a homebody or a traveller? Independent or romantic? Ambitious or family-oriented? Caregiver or career-driven?
The sooner we make peace with this idea that you can do both and all, the sooner we can ignore the pressure to have ourselves exactly figured out.
There are no rules, no handbook on the way you are supposed to live your life. Happiness is derived from the way our lives feel, not the way they look or if they make sense to others.
There is so much power that lies in giving yourself permission to be and try everything.
If you are living the life that feels right to you, then you already are That Girl, and no trend or aesthetic can diminish that.
